I sip my hot tea and wonder, “How do I start off into this world of blogging?”
Honestly, I really have no clue. So I’m just going to go for it.
I wrote something the other day in my diary about who I am that I want to share with you. See, I’m in the biggest crossroad of my life yet, and I’ve been pouring over who I am and who I want to be as a person, and really trying to figure out how I want that to translate into my business. I want to be more personable, and that’s hard for me; sharing my stories, as much as I adore writing them, is hard. There’s this vulnerability that sneaks up on you right before you click “send” or open your mouth to speak the words, and it’s horribly debilitating sometimes. I need to overcome that. As strange as it might seem, that’s my fear; it’s one that I want to beat.
Anyway, tangents. My diary entry was in relation to the “who I am” part of that paragraph.
…I suppose a great majority of my thoughts revolve around identity. Who I am, what I am, and how I am perceived. I always want to be perceived genuinely, for what I identify as myself to be what others see and understand.
I am the mother of my children, but that is not whoI am. My name is not even who I am, and in some odd way, it doesn’t feel normal to present myself by any name. I am called Christina. But who I am is a vast reality, a myriad of experiences.
It is my belief that knowing who one is – regardless of how liked that is to oneself – is the biggest key to creating one’s reality. I cannot create something – consciously create something – that isn’t part of me. I am kind, as a first trait. And it isn’t just a trait, but a part of me that I cannot escape. When I let my kindness and optimism guide me, I accomplish and am blessed the most. When I entertain thoughts otherwise, I am not being true to myself and the Universe cannot bring to me the experience my soul craves.
But what about the “abouts?” I am a photographer. How to identify those things? I do think it speaks more strongly to say “I am _____” than to say “I am interested in (or I enjoy) _____.” But is that limiting? I identify as a photographer, but what is the soul of that? I am saying what I do. I create. Remove the “am,” and make it an action. Actions are so much stronger than statements. One can state anything, but do? To do and do well, to do full of passion, is one who is that thing – is one who cannot survive without it.
I create art.
I create connections.
I create many things, but the soul is that I create. And that – the action – is how I will define my reality.
So, this is the heart and soul of Red and Fawn. I feel this immense need to create; it is my sole ambition to do so. The art that resonates with me is the art that inspires you to see yourself as fearless and confident and beautiful as I see you. As your loved ones see you. As everyone but yourself sees you.
I’ll tell the story of my experience though portraiture and self-love another day, but my goal is to photograph you as you are. To create something that you’re proud of. Something that makes you feel beautiful, believe in how amazing you are, and know how special you are.